Just like our relationships, our sex lives change over time. Kids, work, trying to balance all the demands on our time can make it seemingly impossible to find time for pleasure let alone time to improve your sex life. But staying connected with our sexuality is important for our health and well-being. Did you know that women hit their sexual peak in their 50’s? Take it from me. I’m 54 and having the best sex ever! But that peak will never happen if sex becomes a thing of the past.
I want all of you to be having great sex well into your 70’s so here are five simple steps that you can do to improve your sex life right now:
Calendar a weekly sex date and allocate 2-3 hours.
Lose the Goal Orientation
I know as a society we are so outcome oriented. But goal orientation and sex are a toxic combination that puts performance pressure on everyone. Woman want to control the outcome and our partners want to please us. If you want to improve your sex life try to enjoy the journey and stop worrying about the destination.
Being in our head during sex takes us away from physical sensation and sex happens in the body! There are many embodiment techniques that I teach but the “easiest” thing you can do to improve your sex life and your pleasure is to make noise during sex. Sound vibrations not only help to intensify our sexual energy, but it is near impossible to be in your head when you’re making lots of noise. If you work through the shame around sex noises, your pleasure will go through the roof.
Learn How to Relax During Sex
Orgasms happen at the intersection of high arousal and high relaxation. Sounds paradoxical but it’s true. Relax your body by taking a shower or receiving a nice long massage. Some of my most orgasmic moments have occurred after a long, deep massage that SLOWLY wound its way to more sensual massage and eventually sex.
Learning proper breathing techniques will allow your body to relax and you will feel more sensation as arousal increases. Breath is like the engine fuel that keeps our motors going. We typically hold all of our sexual energy in our genitals. Breathe moves that energy around our body so that we can feel even more sensation and pleasure throughout our entire body.
If you are stuck and need help to improve your sex life, please reach out to me!