Living An Orgasmic Life: Heal Yourself And Awaken Your Pleasure by Xanet Pailet is a love letter for anyone who’s faced challenges with their sex life. Those who have been alienated from their erotic side due to sexual abuse or trauma will find a healing balm in these pages. Women and men who have difficulty surrendering to pleasure, who can’t sustain intimacy, or want to reclaim and feel empowered in their sexuality will significantly benefit from this book.
“Xanet Pailet offers modern and refreshing insight into what all women should be aware of: they are made for love…(and) to channel pleasure as a means of conscious awakening. This book will show you the way.” ―Margot Anand, International Best Selling Author of The Art of Sexual EcstasyandLove Sex and Awakening
Heal Your Relationship with Sex: Challenges with sexuality are all too common in our society and not frequently discussed openly and thoughtfully.
In Living An Orgasmic Life, Pailet explores the many reasons that cause women to disconnect from their sexuality including shame, body image issues, sexual abuse and trauma, physical wounding, and fears of intimacy. She teaches practical advice and tools to help women healthily awaken to their sexuality and reclaim their libido. “Through her own sexual healing journey and those of others, author and intimacy coach Xanet Pailet takes us back to a place where we can all develop the courage to reclaim our sexual desires. Living an Orgasmic Life is bound to become a go-to book for therapists, healers and for all of us.” ―Louann Brizendine, MD, New York Times Best Selling Author of The Female Brain and The Male Brain
Author Xanet Pailet notes: “I wrote this book because I am passionate about helping individuals who feel broken reclaim their sexuality and their pleasure, and transform their lives. I want women and men who are struggling with sex to understand that help is available and that they can have healthy, passionate sex lives. I wrote this book for the 20 year old who was date raped, the 30 year old mom who was traumatized during childbirth, the 40 year old divorced woman who has never experienced an orgasm, the 50 year old who is struggling with menopause and low libido, and the 60 plus year old woman who is ready to explore her sexuality and experience orgasmic bliss.”
No matter the situation of your love life, Living an Orgasmic Life can help you rediscover the joy and pleasure of sex.
Living an Orgasmic Life is a must read if you desire a better relationship with your partner, juicier sex and more passion in your love life.After reading this book, you will learn:
Xanet Pailet is a former New York City health care lawyer who lived in a sexless marriage for over two decades. After experiencing her sexual healing and awakening in 2011, she transitioned her career into a full-time sex and intimacy coach, writer, blogger, and teacher. She works with individuals and couples to empower them around their sexuality and strengthen relationship and intimacy skills.
Xanet is a certified Somatica® Sex and Intimacy Coach, Sexological Body Worker, Holistic Pelvic Care Practitioner, Tantra Educator and Somatica Experiencing Trauma Practitioner. She is on the faculty of the Ecstatic Living Institute and the Somatica Institute. She lives in Marin County, CA. She has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Brides, Sex with Emily, SheKnows, and Elephant Journal.
Connect with Xanet at www.powerofpleasure.com.
To request a review copy of Living An Orgasmic Life or for an interview with Xanet Pailet, contact:
Bob Newman (Publicist – NYC) – firstname.lastname@example.org, 617-952-1470
The message is unique because it combines the story and experiences of both myself, shared in a very authentic and vulnerable way, and that of my many male, female and couple clients who have also struggled with, and in most cases, overcome sexual challenges. Every chapter contains practical exercises and tools to help the reader better understand and heal their own struggles with sex and intimacy and to reclaim their pleasure.
Add sex back into your marriage: According to the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, 25% of married couples are only having sex once a month―that’s considered a sexless marriage. And those numbers are likely significantly under-reported and do not account for the large number of women and men who stay in their marriage for other reasons (e.g. money, children) but have completely unsatisfying sex lives. Even so, the number of reported sexless marriages has quadrupled in the last 20 years. Living an Orgasmic Life is filled with lessons and practical exercises that can take your sex life from non-existent or mediocre to fulfilling on every level.
“What I love the most about this book, is the way in which Xanet masterfully weaves in her own story in such a vulnerable way. She makes it completely relatable to every woman’s experience, and provides all of us a path forward to living an orgasmic life.” –Dr. Emily Morse, Sex with Emily
On the surface, I was living the perfect life….my own successful career as a corporate healthcare executive and Broadway producer, married to a successful attorney, two fabulous children, a beautiful home in New York City, and all the trappings that go along with it. But underneath the surface was a woman sexually shut down from carrying years of sexual trauma in her body who was living in a sexless marriage for more than 15 years. Orgasms were so not in my vocabulary. I put 100% of my energy into my kids and my career. By age 45, I had pretty much decided that I was done with sex.
My sexual awakening occurred when I turned 50. Several loving men lit fires underneath me and one fanned the flames by introducing me to Tantra and sacred sexuality. Finally, I was able to experience sex as a union of the physical, energetic, and spiritual body and reveled in the notion of not having a goal and simply enjoying the experience. Sexual healing was not far behind. This awakening was so profound that it completely changed the course of my life. I moved across the country to live in a more sex positive city and study sexuality with renown Tantra and sex educators. I have dedicated the rest of my professional life to helping others awaken and explore their own sexuality and to heal the wounds that keep us from experiencing our true sexual selves.
Excerpt from Living an Orgasmic Life
Who will benefit the most from reading this book?
The largest audience for this book is women and men who have struggles with sex and find themselves disconnected or shut down from their sexuality or their partner. This could be as a result of trauma, sexual shame or body image issues, emotional blocks or fear of intimacy. Women struggling with painful sex, lack of desire, inability to experience pleasure or orgasms, and hormonal changes from childbirth, menopause, or hysterectomies will greatly benefit from this information. Men who have erection challenges (early ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, or delayed ejaculation) will also benefit from the information in this book.
What is a sexual blueprint and how does it impact your relationship with sex?
Similar to an architectural blueprint that shows all the details of the plumbing, electricity, drywall, windows, and doors that make up a building, you have a sexual blueprint comprised of all the early life experiences that make up your sense of yourself as a sexual being. I call it a blueprint to emphasize the impact of those early experiences that govern your relationship with your own sexuality as well as how you relate to members of the opposite or the same sex. The elements of your sexual blueprint include:
How these messages impact you differs for everyone but we all experience shame… that is a part of human existence. Let me give you an example of how this plays out. When I was growing up I had a dog whose name was Lucky. He was a yappy, high strung neurotic Yorkshire terrier; we did not have the best relationship. When I was 9 years old, Lucky started to lick my private parts while I was lying in bed at night. I experienced a lot of pleasure from this. I also knew from earlier experiences that I would be punished if my mother caught me. So, the pleasure I experienced was colored with fear, anxiety, and shame. Fast forward 19 years. Is there any wonder that I was really uncomfortable with oral sex and could never relax enough to experience it as pleasurable? My body combined the sensation of pleasure with the sensation of anxiety and shame, making it impossible for me to ever have an orgasm.
Is there really help for a sexless long term relationship?
There are some couples that are completely content being in a sexless relationship and if it works for them, then that is great. However, the majority of the time, the decision is forced on one of the partners. In fact, a common scenario is that one partner loses interest, becomes unresponsive, and starts to avoid anything to do with sex. The still-desirous party keeps trying for a while, then gets tired of rejection and simply gives up. Often this unfolds with no discussion at all, much less a conscious decision.
The consequences of not addressing the issue, and your partner’s unmet needs, can be very injurious to the relationship, resulting in affairs, seeing sex workers, or divorce.
Passion can definitely be revived in a sexless relationship though it does take time and effort. Often there are layers of emotional blocks, such as anger and resentment, that need to first be cleared before the sexual relationship can be revived. A sex and intimacy coach or therapist are best equipped to help couples learn how to re-kindle their intimate connection and passion.
How does physical trauma impact women’s sex lives and how can they heal those wounds?
Physical wounding and trauma can have a major impact on women’s sex lives and it is rarely acknowledged and addressed. Even though the physical wound may heal, the emotional impact and its imprint on the body can remain for decades. Healing the body from physical trauma also means healing the mind.
There are different ways that one can heal from physical trauma but they all involve helping the body and mind release the trapped trauma. Specialists trained in Somatic Experiencing will help clients reset their nervous system so that the trauma loses its hold on them. Holistic Pelvic Care practitioners recognize that a woman’s pelvic bowl “root” contains a vast array of information and that it is an access point to emotions and traumatic events in our life. Clearing congestion in the pelvic bowl helps unblock trapped energy in the body. These blocks take many forms from unexpressed emotions such as grief and anger, to physical wounds from surgeries and childbirth, to sexual abuse and trauma.
How can a long-term couple keep the romance and the physical intimacy alive over decades?
To be successful you have to make physical intimacy a priority in your life. This means putting regular date nights on the calendar specifically for physical intimacy and sex. It also involves having really strong communication around your sex life and being able to express your needs and desires. In my book, I help individuals understand their core erotic theme and the emotions that they desire around sex (e.g. cherished, ravished, seen, dissolved). When these emotions can be satisfied in a long term sexual relationship, a couple will easily be able to keep their intimacy alive.
Keeping your sex life fresh and exciting is also very important because boredom can also kill romance and your sex life. By book contains many different practices to please your partner, including touching for your own pleasure. Exploring role play, fantasy, and kink can also keep your sex life alive and healthy. I also highly recommend taking intimacy, sexuality and Tantra classes and workshops as a couple so that you build more skills and connection.
How is it possible to live an “orgasmic life” if you are single or with a partner who is disabled and unable to have sex?
We can all chose to have a sexual relationship with ourselves and in fact our sexual power comes from connecting with our own sexuality, in whatever form that takes. Orgasmic life energy flows from within ourselves. Partners and having a regular sex life certainly help to strengthen it, but it emanates from within. I strongly believe that every women should have her own “self-loving practice”, so that she not only understands her own arousal pattern, but can also learn how to generate and move sexual energy within her body.
There are many ways to enjoy “sex” with a partner and it does not have to involve penetration or intercourse. Sex has been too narrowly defined in our culture and we need to shift that. I define sex as any experience that creates erotic energy. This could include touching each other, kissing, lying naked together, sharing fantasies, and phone sex. Tantra is also a very powerful way for partners to have a sexual experience by using breathing techniques to generate sexual energy which can result in orgasms without genital touch.
“Xanet Pailet’s book offers a modern, refreshing insight into what all women should become aware of: that they are made for love. And that the art and cultivation of pleasure is the language of love. And that, if they don’t learn it, and take the responsibility to teach it to their partners, the consciousness of the world will remain stagnant. Living an Orgasmic Life teaches us to become aware in love and to channel pleasure as a means of conscious awakening. There is no better mission. And this book will show you the way.”
―Margot Anand, World’s leading authority on Tantra and International Bestselling author of The Art of Sexual Ecstasy, The Art of Everyday Ecstasy, and Love, Sex and Awakening
“The parts of this book that touched me deeply, and that will reach out and touch the hearts of so many women, are the moments when Xanet shares her personal journey of growth and transformation. Her vulnerability, raw honesty, and deep desire to learn and teach what is possible for women in the erotic realm touches on the hopes and insecurities we all have. By sharing those parts that we feel we are supposed to hide, she fearlessly invites women to know and accept themselves fully so they can claim their birthright of pleasure.”
―Celeste Hirschman, MA, Co-Founder Somatica Institute, author of Cockfidence and Making Love Real
“This book is an excellent blend of personal stories, solid research, useful ideas, and supportive suggestions. If you’re struggling to figure out how to connect to your pleasure, make sex exciting, and deepen your relationship, there’s plenty of great information here for you and your partner.”
―Charlie Glickman, Ph.D., Sex and Relationship coach, author of The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure
“Unabashed reality, heart-felt empathy, keen expertise — all three combine in this breakthrough work by Xanet Pailet. As a Sexual Abuse Recovery Coach, I am always on the lookout for quality resources that will support my clients in finding their way to freedom in this area of their lives, and Living an Orgasmic Life is now at the top of my reading list for survivors who want to reclaim their sexuality.”
―Rachel Grant, Author, “Beyond Surviving: The Final Stages in Recovery from Sexual Abuse” and Beyond Surviving Podcast.
“Through her own sexual healing journey and those of others, author and intimacy coach Xanet Pailet takes us back to a place where we can all develop the courage to reclaim our sexual desires. Living an Orgasmic Life is bound to become a go-to book for therapists, healers and for all of us.”
―Louann Brizendine, MD, New York Times Best Selling Author of The Female Brain and The Male Brain
“Xanet is a wise guide that you can trust to lead you the pleasurable path of erotic empowerment. She’s been there herself and offers you a practical map that you can follow to get to the land of loving yourself, shame-free sex and expanded outrageous orgasms! You deserve to feel this fantastic!”
―Sheri Winston, CNM, RN, LMT. Wholistic Sexuality Teacher, award-winning author of Women’s Anatomy of Arousal and Succulent SexCraft
“A woman who’s been there–out of touch with her own capacity for erotic connection and pleasure–and healed herself, tackles all the stumbling blocks for other people’s inability to touch this deep source of joy. Fraught social messages, shame, and trauma impact so many of us, but as Xanet Pailet shows, there IS a path out of that thicket and into intimacy, deep sexual pleasure, and a newly-awakened body. Take this journey with her and be amazed at the destination.”
―Carol Queen PhD, Staff Sexologist, Good Vibrations
“Can you imagine your life and loving to be abundant with creative energy, confidence, inner freedom and good feelings about yourself, a state of being where old wounding no longer rules you and your sexual experience? This book contains the keys to unlock your sexual potential, open yourself to more bliss and let go of what no longer serves you. Xanet’s practices and real-life stories will help you to heal any sexual wounds, and move beyond shame into a powerful connection with yourself, transforming your entire life into an everyday orgasmic experience. While presenting a myriad of expertise and information, its easy-to-read style captivates the heart and soul, and gently invites the reader to a journey of transformation and healing. A must-read for anyone willing to expand their horizon and live more orgasmically every day.”
―Lokita Carter, Founder of Ecstatic Living Institute, creator of best-selling video programs on Tantra and Chakra Wisdom Meditation