Are you having problems figuring out how to make time for intimacy and sex in your life? If you are, you are not alone! In a recent large national survey, only 15% of couples reported having sex 2-3 times per week. A mere 4% reported having sex more than 4 times a week. We are a sex starved nation!
Busy lives make it increasingly difficult to make time for intimacy with your partner. Between our work life and home life, we are all doing more with less time. For those of us with children, the demands of parenting can completely overwhelm us. We are literally exhausted, physically and emotionally, by the time we hit that bed. It’s easy to understand how what was once a passionate, sexual relationship, can quickly morph into a good night cuddle… if we’re lucky.
Working on our sex life is no different than keeping ourselves in good shape physically. When we stop exercising and eating well, our body starts to fall apart. Our muscles atrophy, we gain weight, we feel lethargic, and disconnected from our body. Our exercise routine becomes a memory that we continue to push to the back of our minds, though it often nags at us at the most inopportune times.
And how does it feel when we finally find the will power and energy to get back to the gym? Awkward, uncomfortable, disembodied, breathless, with sore muscles the next day. Not the most pleasurable feeling. Rather than looking forward to exercising and being in our routine, we dread having to go back to the gym. It might take us weeks or months to get back in shape and in the exercise groove.
Do you see the analogy? Once we get out of the routine of having sex on a regular basis, it’s increasingly hard to get back into it. Even with a partner of many years, it may feel awkward, uncomfortable, and not pleasurable.
Learning how to make time for intimacy and sex in your life is the single most important factor for creating and maintaining a passionate sex life. Here are three easy tips:
- Put it on the calendar! I am dead serious about this. Just like you make plans with your partner to go to the movies, theater, and dinner, you need to schedule a weekly date to make time for intimacy and sex. Not only does this make it a priority in your life, but it also gives you an opportunity to plan the date. Make sure that you allocate plenty of time for your sex date…a minimum of 3 hours.
- Create the mood and set the scene. Chose a theme for the date, dress accordingly, and embellish the space. It’s amazing how lighting some candles, throwing up some scarves to cover lamps, and playing some sexy music can transform a space. Going kinky tonight? Dress up in that leather outfit that’s been sitting in your closet.
- Create a ritual for when you move into intimacy. Even if you are about to play out your hottest sexual fantasy, start your date by connecting with each other and sharing some words of appreciation. End the date with a simple ritual as well.
It is never too late to learn how to make time for intimacy and sex in your life. So if you feel you are out of shape, there is one easy thing you can do….Get back to the Gym!
For those of you who need some extra help, I offer a one hour free discovery session on How to Bring Intimacy Back into Your Life. Book Online or Call 415-562-7018