Venturing into the world of online dating can be intimidating, but I’m here to offer some tips to help. Here are some do’s and don’ts of crafting a great profile and attracting a wonderful partner.
1. Choose flattering, recent photos of yourself.
Ideally, you have some of these already, but if you don’t, ask a friend to help you take some photos. If you don’t want to ask a friend, get comfy with the timer setting on your phone so that you can take some flattering shots of yourself. Outdoor lighting is usually best, and natural outdoor settings make for lovely settings. For more tips on how to take great selfies, check out this article.
Only use photos of you taken in the last couple years. People deserve to “meet” the version of you that’s the current you, not the you from five or ten years ago. Some people may think that a potential partner won’t notice the weight or wrinkles they’ve gained, or the hair they’ve lost, but really, it’s disconcerting to meet someone and have them not look like their photos.
If you really want to use a special photo from more than a couple years ago, title it and include the year it was taken, so people will know it’s not current.
2. Be specific about what you’re looking for.
Take some time to meditate on this and really hone what you’re seeking. Make a list of all the qualities you want a partner to have. Then distill it down to the essence of what you want. If you want something serious, say that. If you just want to meet people and have adventures and see what comes of it, say that! And if you don’t know what you want, then sit down longer, by yourself, to figure that out first, before creating a profile.
3. Reveal some interesting bits about yourself, but not too much.
Since a lot of apps don’t let you write much, you can just craft a list of words that describe you and arrange them in a fun way. I like using alliteration: “Likes sunshine, skirts, and smirks.”
Lately a lot of men have decided to use faux magazine blurbs, like “Vogue magazine calls him the sexiest man alive.” Don’t do this. Just don’t. Unless Vogue called you something absolutely ridiculous, then maybe do it.
If you’re a serious person, it’s fine to have a serious profile. If you’re a little silly, be silly. And if you’re seriously silly, then go all out. Nothing makes people swipe right faster than a profile that actually makes them laugh out loud.
1. Don’t lie.
Don’t exaggerate your height. And don’t lie about your age. If you did, for some reason, lie about your age when you created the profile and now can’t change it, write somewhere in your profile what your actual age is. Chronological age isn’t always the same as our biological age, and it’s fine to be seeking people who are younger than your years. But lying about things right off the bat is no way to attract people you want to trust you.
Don’t lie with your photos, either. If you’ve gained or lost significant weight since your photos were taken, have new photos taken.
2. Don’t complain.
Remember the law of attraction: We draw more of a thing into our lives when we put our focus on it. So put your focus on the GOOD traits that you want to come to you, not the BAD traits you’re looking to avoid.
Nothing says “I’ve been cheated on and have a lot of unhealed trauma” more clearly than profiles that say, “No cheaters! If you’re just here to play around and lie, swipe left!”
3. Don’t get overwhelmed.
It’s easy to get sucked into the dating apps, swiping and swiping, seeing all the possibilities. But it’s very easily draining. Set a time limit for the day – maybe 30 minutes of using the app – and stick to it. Continue to do the things you love to do. Take photos of you doing them, so you have a great stash of photos showcasing how amazing your life is. (Really! People want to date people whose lives are already amazing!)
If you find yourself getting frustrated or jaded, resist the urge to edit your profile into a giant rant. “No one here wants to meet!” “Ugh, all you men want to meet two seconds after someone matches with you! BE PATIENT!”
As I wrote about recently, there’s a lot more men than women using dating apps. Know that it’s fairly normal for men to feel ignored. And for the exact same reason, it’s common for women to feel overwhelmed.
Just take some deep breaths and log out. Better yet, go to the app’s settings and see if you can pause your profile, and give yourself a some breathing space.