I've been doing a series for my female readers on what women tell their sex coach inspired by an article I read in Elephant Journal. The information is so important that I want to share it with everyone.
I Can't Have an Orgasm
By far, this is the most common issue that I hear about from women.
For some women orgasms are literally beyond their reach and they've never experienced one. Cosmo Magazine actually interviewed me about "Orgasm Deficit Disorder" (horrible name) which is extremely prevalent in the younger generation.
Even more common is the high number of women who struggle with elusive orgasms.
Sometimes they can have one and many times they can't. Some women had orgasms when they were younger but haven't experienced one in years.
Orgasms can be tricky, especially when we get in our head and start having performance anxiety. The more pressure we are under, the harder it is to relax into orgasm.
Orgasms occur at the intersection of high levels of arousal and high levels of relaxation. So if a woman is really stressed out about having one, chances are extremely good that she won't!
Men: You can help your partner by taking the pressure off of her (and yourself). Encourage her to breathe as she starts getting more aroused to keep her in her body. Make sounds with her...sound helps to release the orgasmic energy.
I Don't Like the Way I'm Touched
This is such a sensitive subject in many relationships and yet so many women are suffering from bad touch.
The sad truth is that not only do many men not understand how to touch a woman, many women don't know what kind of touch they like.
Makes for a challenging situation in the bedroom. It's also one of the primary reasons that women don't have more pleasure and orgasms.
Bad touch does not turn us on. Bad touch makes us want to just get sex over with. Bad touch does not let us get to the high levels of arousal that are necessary for women to have orgasms.
Unfortunately neither women nor men learn basic skills around touch so there's plenty of room for improvement for everyone.
Men: You need to learn how to touch a woman that makes it feel good for both of you. How to go slow, stay in connection with her, and understand her arousal patterns. Check out my Master Lover Intensives.
Women: We need to learn how to communicate with our partner. We need to learn how and where we want to be touched. We also need to understand our own arousal patterns. A sex coach can help you do that.
I'm not interested in sex any more
Low libido and lack of desire is the single most common sexual issue that women in long term relationships complain of. Men often express this as "I'm not attracted to her anymore".
There are many reasons behind this and they often do not have to do with the sex itself. Relationship issues that result in anger, resentment, and mistrust are frequently the underlying cause and loss of libido becomes the symptom.
There is simply no room for vulnerability and surrender when you are out of connection with your partner. Keeping the lines of communication open and clearing any negative emotions is key to a healthy sex life.
Boring and routine sex is another common reason behind loss of desire. It's easy to fall into a routine with sex and just like other routines in our life, it stops being exciting and something we look forward to.
It's easy to make your sex life exciting and special again and there are tons of resources that can help you find creative ways to juice it up.
The hard part is deciding that sex is a priority in your life and relationship. Just like any other priority in your life, once you make that determination, your sex life and sex drive will eventually find its way back to you.
As a sex coach, I've got numerous programs and ways in which I can help you have a better sex life, whether you are single or in a relationship. All you need to do is reach out here.
Sex & Intimacy Coach, Best Selling Author and Your Guide To Healing Yourself With Sex, Awakening Your Pleasure and Living An Orgasmic Life