There is a bit of a myth that only women experience body shame. Nothing can be further from the truth. The Guardian recently published an article, “Me and My Penis: 100 Men Reveal All”, an interview with Laura Dodsworth, author of “Manhood”, a new book about men and sexuality. The author photographed 100 men’s penises and then talked to them about body image issues and sexuality.
It’s a fascinating article and I’m anxious to read the book, which will be published in September. What surprised her most? “A lot more men feel a sense of shame or anxiety about their size, or an aspect of their performance, than I would have thought. What really moved me is how much that shame and inadequacy had bled into different parts of their life.” She said many were teased as children about their penis and never recovered from it.
As a sex and intimacy coach, this does not surprise me in the least. I’ve shared information about average penis size and what women think about penis size. Internet pornography definitely causes lots of body shame. Men compare their absolutely normal size penis to the girth and length of porn stars. Porn stars penis' are digitally enhanced or injected with drugs to increase their erection.
Where does Body Shame come from?
Most body shame does happen from childhood teasing. Late bloomers are often shamed for their penis size in the locker room.
One of my clients, with a perfectly beautiful more than average size penis, would often place his hands over his crotch, when talking about sex with his wife. He also reverted to a little boy voice. This was a childhood protective mechanism to defend against his feelings of body shame and penis inadequacy.
In my own personal experience, men with smaller penises are often much better lovers. A recent lover of mine did have a smaller than average penis. But the combination of his oral skills and the way he had learned to use his cock for G Spot stimulation took me over the moon.
Makes sense right? A man with a big penis can get lazy, thinking that all women want is hard and fast thrusting. Men who can’t rely on that have to get smarter about women’s arousal and really learn how to use all of their other tools.
What’s been your experience with body shame?
Sex & Intimacy Coach, Best Selling Author and Your Guide To Healing Yourself With Sex, Awakening Your Pleasure and Living An Orgasmic Life