At my recent Master Lover Workshop the number one question that the men wanted to know is “why do women like bad boys”? When I asked the participants how they would describe a bad boy, they said it was someone who didn’t treat women well, was disrespectful, sexually aggressive, violated boundaries and had negative masculine energy.
I am really intrigued by this question because in my experience women don’t really want to be in relationship with these type of men. We know that bad boys spell trouble, that we’re going to have to fight to maintain our boundaries and at the end of the day they’re going to walk out on us. And yet, many women are attracted to this type of male energy.
Ladies, you know what I’m talking about. The guy with the naughty look in his eye and the hands that roam. Who is probably a little cocky and comes off as a bit of an asshole. He walks into the room as if he owned the joint and gives every woman a once over. And yet, if his eyes actually settle on you, your heart skips a beat, and you feel an instant charge.
As hard as it is to admit, I have been attracted to these type of men in the past. In fact, I even attempted to be in a relationship with one because of course I knew that I was going to be able to turn a bad boy into a good one. Need I say more? In my more conscious evolved self, I am able to look at these patterns and realize what it is that we are actually attracted to and why women need this in our romantic relationships.
Simply put, bad boys hold very strong, masculine energy which allows women to surrender into their feminine selves. It is this polarity, between masculine and feminine energy, where we find attraction, chemistry, and sexual charge. In my work with women, I routinely ask them whether it turns them on to be taken by a man…to be thrown down, have their clothes ripped off, and devoured. And guess what? There’s not a woman I’ve spoken to who hasn’t had that look of “turn on” in their eyes as they give me an enthusiastic “Yes”.
This is not to say that bad boy behavior would be acceptable from a perfect stranger or on a first date. But if a woman feels safe with a man and has no doubt that her boundaries will be respected, she is much more willing to surrender into male passionate and dominant energy. In this space, hair pulling, biting, being held down, can all be a major turn on for a woman as she allows herself to enter into a more submissive state. Lack of this sexual polarity is one of the major reasons why sexual relationships start falling apart. Bringing this back into a relationship, can re-ignite the flame and put desire and hot sex back on the menu.
The problem with the good guys, which is whom we want for long term relationships, is that they have been socialized to be good guys with respect to sex as well…..respectful, not crossing boundaries, asking permission for a kiss, rather than reading a woman’s body language, sweet, gentle touch but not passionate. While gentle touch can be nurturing and delicious, it simply does not turn women on…and guess what…it doesn’t turn men on either…
In my men’s workshop, we explored bad boy behavior. We learned what it feels like for a man to be connected with his own sexual energy, to be present with a woman, to show up fully in his masculine power, to walk into a room with confidence, to touch women in a way that gives them chill bumps and makes their heart pound. The men loved having the permission to be passionate, to show desire, and to feel how strongly we responded to their masculine energy. The women loved surrendering into the bad boy energy of these good men.
Want to help yourself or your partner find that “bad boy” energy and re-ignite the flame? Book a free 60 minute Deepen Intimacy and Increase Your Pleasure session with me.