Want A Better Sex Life? Banish the King Size Bed

Want A Better Sex Life? Banish the King Size Bed

A newly married couple recently asked me how they could have a better sex life.  And my advice to them was simple. Don’t buy a king size bed.  They were shocked at my response. There could have been tons of other tips that I could have given them.  Never go to bed angry with each other.  Find five minutes every day to hold each other. Schedule sex dates every week etc..The list goes on and on.

Why banishing the king size bed will help you have a better sex life:

  • Bigger is not always better.  I know this goes against the grain of American consumerism.  We are socialized to strive for a bigger house, car, job etc.  But when it comes to sleeping arrangements with your partner….Downsizing is the way to go.
  • A King Size bed can become a refuge and that is not good for one’s sex life.  There is literally too much real estate between you and your partner. And that means it is way too easy for you to both essentially be sleeping in your own twin bed.
  • Keeping touch alive in your relationship will help ensure that you will have a better sex life.  When you are sleeping in a King Size bed you can literally go the entire night without ever having to touch each other.  I know…I did this for years in my marriage.  Sleep in a Queen Size bed and you will find that it is very challenging not to feel the heat of each other’s body while you sleep.  More likely you will find yourself frequently waking up entwined in each other’s arms and legs.
  • The easy ability to put distance between you and your partner in a King Size bed increases the likelihood that you will go to sleep angry with each other after a fight.  That energy is much more alive and present if you need to share a smaller physical space and will often create the impetus for conflicts to be resolved before you go to sleep.
  • If you have children, King Size beds encourage the bedroom turning into the playroom or living room.  While we all love to have those snuggles in bed with our kids, it’s also important to create some boundaries around the marital bed.  When the bed turns into the living room couch, it does change the energy in the room and often takes the sizzle out of the bedroom.
  • King Size beds can stifle creativity.  I know that they are fun to play on but be creative with your play spaces.  Try the floor or the shower or the kitchen table.  Finding new and interesting places to have sex will help you have a better sex life!



2 responses to “Want A Better Sex Life? Banish the King Size Bed”

  1. I have read the same advice posted on WebMD, and I understand how people can reach the conclusion that King size beds are bed for sex/intimacy. That being said, it seems very unhealthy to me that people would need to use a bed small enough that they have no choice but to be intimate, in order to have a good sex life. It seems quite depressing actually. What is preventing people from choosing to be intimate? It’s not like having a bigger bed makes intimacy any more difficult, it just doesn’t force intimacy on couples. I personally would prefer a king size bed because it means we can move around a lot more during sex and have more versatility in sex positions, so it’s win-win. Nothing is keeping us from being intimate when we want to be. If people really do need a smaller bed to improve intimacy with each other, I think that is really tragic :/

    As for the claim about fights, that could have some merit, but again, using the bed as a tool to resolve fights is a cop-out. Being more intimate with each other, and even having “make up sex” may be a good way to temporarily move pasts disputes, but it leaves them unresolved. If anything, more physical intimacy may lead couples to forget the issue they were fighting about instead of resolving it. Alternatively, the discomfort of being so close to a partner you are very angry with may result in one of them having to sleep on the couch, which is far worse of a scenario than sleeping but not touching on the bed. So this argument, regardless of which way it goes, is very short-sighted IMO.

    The argument regarding children has the most merit of these, but it seems to be misguided as well. If the bed should be private, what is keeping one from locking the doors? If the children are treating your bed as a play room, isn’t that more of an issue of their discipline than the bed itself? Furthermore, while King-size beds are big, there is no issue if one were to use a relatively noise-free and comfortable latex mattress, which is designed for a lot of wear and does not react rigidly when extra weight is placed on it. The children cannot play on a latex mattress (or a memory foam one for that matter, though I believe latex to be best for sex and intimacy), so such a problem would be very unlikely to occur.

    The claim that King size beds stifle creativity builds on the same kind of argument that if it’s too easy for people to have sex in bed, they won’t try other positions. That’s nonsense- creativity shouldn’t be forced, it should be free, expressive, and consciously willed. If couples need to be forced to be creative due to bed size constraints, that isn’t real creativity in my view, and it certainly doesn’t seem romantic either.

  2. Seth says:

    Interesting idea, but don’t agree to it completely. A twin size bed can be crowded and make it more difficult to sleep. Also, with a king size bed you and your partner can go wild without the fear of falling off the bed.

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