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How an Intimacy Retreat Can Save Your Marriage

How an Intimacy Retreat Can Save Your Marriage

Dear Xanet,

My husband and I have been married for almost two decades, and I feel so emotionally disconnected from him.  We’re wonderful co-parents, and we always work well together.  But over the years, our romantic relationship has faded.  I’m realizing how poorly we communicate with each other.  And our sex life is nonexistent.  

While it’s not all his fault, my husband just won’t stop working long enough for us to reconnect.  He says he wants our relationship to work, but his actions just don’t match his words.  

We’ve been in couples counseling for the last year, and I’m not sensing any progress.  A friend recommended you, saying that your intimacy retreat saved her marriage.  

Can you help?



Dear Sue,

I’m sorry you’re going through this.  I’ve been where you are, though I didn’t have the knowledge or resources to look for help like you have.

The short answer is: Yes, I can help.

:The long answer is also: Yes.

Yes, Yes, Yes!

What makes a Passionate Intimacy Retreat different from couples counseling?  Five things:


The first difference is time. Whereas couples therapy is perhaps one hour a week, a Passionate Intimacy Retreat lasts four days and includes over eleven hours of in-person coaching.

On the first evening of the retreat, I’ll spend two and a half hours setting the container for the weekend.  We’ll work on you and your partner re-establishing a solid connection.  And together we will create sacred space in which to unravel what has happened, so we can build your partnership back up.

Each morning of the retreat, we’ll spend three hours in session together.  We’ll go through a series of experiential exercises and practices, and after the sessions, I’ll assign “home play” assignments.


The amount of time and the closed container of the weekend creates a level of intensity that you won’t experience in regular couples counseling.  Even if, in a one hour session, you get into some meaty stuff, the hour is up fast, and then you return to your usual lives, often slipping back into your old patterns.

A Passionate Intimacy Retreat is different.

Since our sessions over the weekend are long, a lot of stuff is going to come to the surface, and we’ll address it as it bubbles up.

I’ll be there to guide you through it.

The setting of the retreat also adds to the intensity.  The chalet is a beautiful, romantic space with your own private hot tub perched in the woods.

There’s no television, because I want you to focus your attention on each other.  Lacking distraction, you’ll be able to focus on what matters:  Your relationship.


And because I’m there, guiding you and holding space for your partnership, it will allow you to open up and feel safe.  You can let go of your protective shell, drop into a space of vulnerability that you perhaps haven’t experienced before in your relationship.

Challenges will come up, but they will arise within a container we’ve created.  So we can take a deep dive, unpack the rupture, and help you learn how to repair relationship wounds, right then and there, in real time.


If you’re in couples counseling, since you might only meet once a week, if something comes up, you can’t address it for days.  This isn’t ideal.

In an intimacy retreat, triggers sometimes happen while couples are doing their home play assignments.  Just hours later, in the morning session, they tell me what happened.

“We tried to do the exercise, but she just shut down”, or “We started fighting and going into our pattern”.

“Tell me what happened.  Did he go too fast?  What were the feelings behind the conflict?

An in-person couples retreat gives you a level of immediacy that you won’t get with any other modality.

We can see what goes well and what doesn’t.  Then we can respond right away and change things.

A Plan to Move Forward

Finally, when the retreat is coming to a close, I’ll help you create a plan to move forward in your relationship.  We can lay out what you need to do to make it work, and I’ll be available to check in with you, or even continue to work with you for a period of time.

Please reach out.

I can help.

With love,


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