When I meet strangers at parties and events and I tell that I’m a sex and intimacy coach, I get one of two reactions.
Either they start opening up and sharing what’s going on in their sex life or they look like they are a deer caught in the headlights and change the topic as quickly as possible.
Usually those are the people who really need help in the bedroom and are full of discomfort and shame.
Sex and intimacy coaching, which is a relatively young but growing field, can provide you with many benefits, regardless of whether you are single or in a relationship.
SEX AND INTIMACY COACHING CAN HELP YOU NORMALIZE DISCOMFORT AND SHAME AROUND SEX.
The most common reaction I get from women after our first session is a statement like this “I feel so much better being able to talk about this”.
I can actually see their whole body relax as they feel safe sharing their deepest and darkest fears and experiences around sex
Talking about your experiences, desires, fears, and fantasies also help to normalize them.
When you realize you are not the only person on this planet who has a rape fantasy (in fact that is one of the most common fantasies among women), you begin to release any shame that you have and give yourself permission to accept your desires, regardless of whether or not they get carried out.
SEX AND INTIMACY COACHING CAN HELP YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU REALLY DESIRE FROM SEX AND HOW TO ASK FOR IT.
Chances are that you have no clue what you really want from sex. I’m not talking here about positions, or specific sexual acts, but rather the emotions that create sexual desire.
This is a misunderstood and often overlooked component of our sexuality but is key to having a healthy and satisfying sex life.
If your core desires are met by a partner your sex life will flourish. But understanding what those core desires are is not always easy to interpret, and a good sex and intimacy coach will spend a fair amount of time helping you to figure those out.
For example, are you someone who wants to feel cherished and worshiped by a partner? Or perhaps you are someone who wants to feel naughty and enjoys taking risks.
Once you understand what your core desires are, a sex and intimacy coach can help you and your partner learn how you can incorporate each of your core desires in your sexual interactions.
SEX AND INTIMACY COACHING CAN HELP YOU LEARN HOW TO COMMUNICATE WITH A PARTNER.
Communication is the key to a healthy relationship and sex life and most couples fail miserably in this area. Even if the communication is strong outside of the bedroom, it often is non-existent in the bedroom.
Often layers of discomfort and shame are responsible for this lack of communication. Fears of being criticized, judged, and hurting each other’s feelings are other culprits that prevent good communication.
Recently I worked with a couple who really struggled to talk about sex with each other. There was tons of embarrassment and the female partner also suffered from body image shame, which is not uncommon.
By providing them with a safe space to begin these conversations and adding in a dose of humor to diffuse the awkwardness they both felt, the couple started opening up to each other and communicating about their sexual needs and desires.
SEX AND INTIMACY COACHING PROVIDES A SAFE SPACE TO LEARN AND TRY OUT NEW SKILLS.
Unfortunately, there’s no true sex education curriculum and therefore we learn how to have sex mostly through the distorted lens of the media.
I mean, how many couples do you know that have fireworks going off the very first time they have sex, with both partner’s climaxing at the same time? And what about sustaining those fireworks after the new relationship energy wears off?
I spend a fair amount of my time working with couples on skill-building. How to touch each other and remain present to your own sensations. How to slow down lovemaking by teasing each other and building up desire.
I teach different types of touch and how to escalate touch from sensual to more sexual touch, all with clothes on of course!
A SEX AND INTIMACY COACH CAN HELP YOU OVERCOME PAST SEXUAL ABUSE AND TRAUMA
Trauma-informed sex and intimacy coaches play a very important role for individuals who have experienced sexual abuse and trauma.
If this is you, I highly recommend that you find a coach who also has been trained in trauma, for example, a Somatic Experiencing practitioner.
Sexual abuse and trauma can have a huge impact on your sexuality–from causing you to freeze and dissociate during sex, completely shutting down, feeling numb in your body and especially genitals, and experiencing flashbacks or PTSD responses.
A trauma-informed coach can not only help you work through and release the trauma in your body but will also help you gently move into feeling comfortable with your body and your sexuality.
If you have a partner, involving your partner in some of these sessions can be very healing and powerful.