Time to be honest here: who here has either googled “ways to have more sex” or “how to have better sex”? It is a hot topic for sure. Many of us are dissatisfied with the amount of sex that we’re having, the kind of sex that we’re having or even the fact that we’re not having sex at all! The hustle and bustle of everyday life make it increasingly difficult to find time for sex and intimacy.
If you feel like you are struggling with finding time to have sex, you are not alone. Time recently published an article called “Why Are We All Having So Little Sex?” I think they should have titled it “Sex is Dead in America” because the statistics for both couples and singles are really shocking. We are having less sex now than ever before and millennials are having less sex than any previous generation. I fear that if we don’t address this, America will turn into Japan, where over 40% of millennials are virgins and the use of sex robots and erotic anime is rampant.
I want to help you improve your sex life by having more sex in your relationship. You need to know that our bodies are made for pleasure, and that a strong sexual connection can not only improve your relationship but also give you more energy, reduce your stress and improve your health.
Here are 5 ways to have more sex with your partner!
#1: Stop bringing distractions into the bedroom!
The Time article discusses the impact of technology on our sex lives. Over 40% of people bring their device into the bedroom at night. During the one period of the day when we have some time for sex and might even be in bed with our partner, we are answering emails, watching videos, or paying bills. We are literally substituting intimacy with our partner with screen time. Rather than falling asleep holding our partner, we are falling asleep holding our devices.
Try this: practice not bringing any type of device into bed at night for one week. You can do this for yourself, or you and your partner can try to do it together. Weaning off the technology will train your body to get out of that habit. Who knows..you might find ways to have more sex during that time!
Also, technology is not the only distraction that prevents a lot of sex and intimacy between couples. Make sure you are keeping all types of distractions out of bed. This may also mean weaning your young kids out and into their own bed!
#2: Turn off the porn at night
The highest time for porn use is between 10 pm and 1 am. If you are engaging in porn during those times of the day, try turning it off for now. Try taking that time to just be with your partner. If you are often watching porn during that time of night, you are unintentionally training your brain to get more aroused by a screen, than by your partner. Fight the urge to allow porn to substitute for intimacy with your partner. Porn might seem easier at first, but in the long run, it may create problems in your sex life and prevent you from having better orgasms with your partner.
#3: Find different ways to have sex
Variety is the spice of life and that is particularly important when it comes to your sex life. Boredom and repetition can kill erotic energy and attraction, especially in long-term relationships. Changing things up can be as simple as having sex in a different room (you’d be surprised how erotic that can be), to engaging in fantasy or role play. A great resource to help spice up your sex life is “The Guide to Getting it On” by Paul Jaonides.
Just getting out of your comfort zone will help improve your sex life. And don’t forget to pour on the romance, which is something that most women want! Take this week to start brainstorming all the new ways that you can have more and better sex with your partner.
#4: Get help if sex is painful or uncomfortable
Even if it is uncomfortable at first, if you communicate any sexual issues you have, it will lead to less depression and more sex. According to a study from Dalhousie University in Nova Scotia, Canada, “We Need to Talk: Disclosure of Sexual Problems Is Associated with Depression, Sexual Functioning, and Relationship Satisfaction” , one-third of people that have sexual challenges are not communicating with their partner. Talk to your partner about any issues that you may have.
The next step would be figuring out ways to get help in this area. Whether it is overcoming sexual shame, dealing with physical wounds, trauma, or anything else, there is a wealth of knowledge out there. There’s lots of great information about helping heal sexual challenges in my book, Living an Orgasmic Life. I also provide a list of resources on my website. The most important thing you can do if you or your partner are having sexual challenges is to take action because these rarely resolve by themselves.
#5: Get Nostalgic
There’s a reason that you’re with your partner in the first place. Spend some time remembering and talking about why you got together in the first place. What attracted you to each other? Reminisce about the most incredible sex that you had and what sex positions you used. What went on that day? What did you and your partner do for each other? Sometimes it is easy to go looking for great sex tips when you actually have that all that information within you stored in your memory. Go back to the magic moments of your sex life and see how to recreate those.
Try putting some of these ideas into practice, and come up with some others that you can share with us in my Facebook Group, Talking Love Sex and Intimacy. Join today to have a go-to place for great sex tips, dating advice, and more.