Building resilience together as a couple. How do you do this?
Whenever I meet couples in truly thriving, long-term relationships—the kind where you can feel the depth of their connection—I always ask them the same question:
What’s your secret?
And more often than not, the answer isn’t about chemistry or shared interests or even great communication. It’s this:
We’ve learned how to weather storms—together.
Because the truth is, every couple will face challenges: illness, loss, conflict, transition, stress. It’s not if but when. And what makes the difference between couples who drift apart and those who deepen their bond is one essential skill: Building resilience together as a couple.
What Resilient Couples Know
Emotional resilience isn’t just an individual trait—it’s a relationship skill. It’s the ability to move through difficult moments together, to lean in when things get hard, and to trust that your connection is strong enough to hold the weight of whatever life throws your way.
And that’s exactly what building resilience together as a couple is all about: staying connected, grounded, and compassionate in the face of life’s inevitable challenges.
Sometimes that resilience is built slowly, through everyday stresses and small repairs. Other times, it’s forged in fire—like it was for Amy and Glenn.
Married for over 35 years, Amy and Glenn were preparing for semi-retirement when Amy was diagnosed with a rare genetic disease. It came on suddenly, with no clear answers. Watching Amy go from vibrant and energetic to breathless after climbing a single flight of stairs was devastating.
But instead of pulling away from each other, they leaned in. Glenn became her advocate—researching, navigating the medical system, doing everything in his power to get her the help she needed. And through it all, they talked—about their fears, their pain, their hopes.
They didn’t avoid the hard stuff. They faced it. Together.
And they came out stronger for it.
“It was like we rediscovered each other,” Amy told me.
“Seeing Glenn fight so hard for me… I fell in love with him all over again.”
Why Resilience Builds Intimacy
When you know your partner won’t bail when things get hard…
When you can fall apart and be met with compassion…
When you trust that whatever happens, you’ll figure it out together…
That’s the kind of safety that creates deeper intimacy.
Building resilience together as a couple doesn’t just help you survive—it creates the fertile ground for thriving. For falling in love over and over again. For knowing your love can hold you—even in the hardest moments.
One Simple Practice to Building Resilience Together as a Couple: Appreciations
Let’s be real: when you’ve been with someone for a while, it’s easy to take each other for granted. You stop noticing the little things. You assume they’ll always be there. And criticism starts to creep in.
One of the simplest, most powerful ways to shift that?
Appreciation.
During Amy’s health scare, she and Glenn created a ritual. Every evening, they would share at least one thing they appreciated about each other. Sometimes it was as small as remembering a prescription. Sometimes it was as big as just being there.
Those daily appreciations helped them stay connected through the darkest days.
“It reminded me that I still had value,” Amy said.
“And it helped me see how much Amy brings to my life,” Glenn added.”
Try This: The Appreciation Exercise
This is a beautiful way to reconnect—especially when things feel off or distant.
- Find a quiet space and sit facing your partner.
- Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths together.
- Open your eyes, make eye contact, and take a few more breaths.
The first person gives their partner five to seven appreciations. Let these be heartfelt and specific. There’s a big difference between saying “I appreciate your body” vs. “I love touching your shoulders because they feel so solid and strong—just like you.”
The partner receiving simply takes it in. Notice how it feels. Where in your body it lands. Then switch roles.
Take a few moments afterward to process what came up.
Bonus: More Ways to Fill Up Your Appreciation Jar
- Add one appreciation to your daily check-in
- Start an “appreciation jar” where you both drop in notes each day
- Use different colored paper—one for each of you—to reflect your love in full color
At the heart of long-lasting connection is the practice of building resilience together as a couple—day by day, word by word, breath by breath.
Because love isn’t just about the easy times.
It’s about how we show up for each other when it’s hardest to stay.
Leave a Reply