Recently someone tagged me in an article and wanted to know my thoughts on it. The article was about energetically connecting with someone through sex and intimacy and needing to cleanse your aura afterward.
Let me start by saying I totally agree with this idea. But it really made me think about consent and boundaries. We constantly violate other people’s boundaries without their consent. Energetically, not physically.
Get to know your energetic body.
As human beings, we have a physical body made up of molecules, cells, tissue, and bone. We also have this energetic “body”, this electromagnetic field that surrounds us.
You can call it your electronic magnetic field.
You can call it your energy body, that is separate from your physical body.
Or you can call it an aura, which is the word we're going to use in this article.
And we all have one.
One thing really interesting about energy is that energy follows intention. When I teach classes around energy and intention, I show people that they can actually feel energy by rubbing your hands together and feeling the energy ball between them. But when we start to recognize that we're made out of not only a physical body but also an energetic body, we begin to notice how different people's energy impacts us.
Have you ever walked into a room or a house where you felt a little bit off? You were probably sensing some sort of negative energy, either from the space itself or from the individuals that were there.
Let’s talk about personal space.
Let's use the example of an intimacy or Tantra workshop. Here I am, a tantra educator, and if I am coming full force, that can often violate a person’s body and energetic boundaries without asking for consent. This also happens on the dance floor a lot. Imagine somebody who you may know, but not that well, comes up to you and they're really in your face. You can be close to somebody and still hold your energetic boundaries.
There are also ways in which you're basically, as I call it, trying to penetrate people energetically without their consent. As someone who is very sensitive to energy, this feels violating, as if you touched me without my consent. Especially if it involves a lot of eye-gazing, which can feel very intrusive if you have not consented to that. I’ve had women tell me they felt hypnotized because of an intense, eye-gazing situation. If a person's energy is very intense it’s as if they’re taking over your body with their energy. If you're sensitive to energy, you may either feel violated or you may actually want to go into that direction and energetically penetrate each other. In my Tantra workshops, I make sure that people give each other permission to energetically connect with each other by asking, “Is it okay if I feel or play with your energy?” Because that's really what we're doing.
Merging bodies through sex.
This article also talked about how when you're having sex with somebody, your energies are merging, and that's absolutely true. When you're intimate with another person, not only are your physical bodies merging but your energetic bodies are as well. However, when you separate, you’re able to remove the physical body from the interaction but the energetic footprint and the energy of that person stay in your aura and in your body.
Think of the people that you've had sex with, that you've been connected with in the past, where you still feel the energy of them in your body. When I do holistic pelvic care work with women, we often find foreign energies of past partners or past lovers that live in a woman's pelvic bowl and release that.
Clearing and protecting energies.
There are ways in which you can clear the energy of a lover, after having sex with them. You can take a shower or do a clearing of your chakras to move the energy out. Energy follows intention. So you can also just do a separation and say, “I am me and you are you. I am taking all of my energies back and I am giving you back all of your energies as well”. There are lots of different ways we can clear energy, but I want you to think and consider, how often does this happen to you? Have you been violated energetically?
I'll give you an example from my own experience. I was at a cuddle party doing some sort of breathing exercise. The man I was partnered with started having strong energetic kriyas (or wavelike sensations), as he was laying next to me. I understand that energy runs through our body, but at this moment, I felt like I needed more protection around me. It felt like a really big violation. There was something about his energy that was off. It was as if he was pushing this energy out on me wanting to draw me into his energetic field. That’s what it felt like to me, that he wanted to energetically penetrate me.
I got this very negative feeling and thought “I've got to pull back from this because this doesn't really feel safe for me”. Afterward I had a conversation with him and I said, “my experience of you was that you were trying to push your energy out on me and kind of penetrate me energetically and I didn't appreciate that. I also didn't feel that you sensed me pulling back or that you were able to stop yourself from doing that”.
You are in control.
We get to control our energy. Energy follows intention. That means that you get to control it or put a field of protection around yourself. Many of us do this almost automatically. When we're feeling unsafe or we don't want to be penetrated by somebody else, we pull our energy fields in, expand our energy field, push ourselves or push the other person away.
This energetic boundary crossing doesn’t just happen during intimate situations. It also happens out in the world, in work and social environments. Somebody violates our energetic boundaries and it doesn't feel good.
One of the things that you can do to protect yourself from this is to imagine creating a bubble of protection around yourself. This can be done through grounding meditations. Create a bubble around yourself to allow the energies in that you want and keep out all of the energies that you don’t. And as I said before, if it happens after you’ve protected yourself, in the kindest and most compassionate way, address your feelings to the other person and say, “I'm really feeling like you're not intending to do this, but you're in my space and it doesn't feel comfortable.
For some of you, this may be really new information, the fact that we have an energetic body and what that actually means, but we all have had the sense of somebody getting in our space and that is a violation of our boundaries without our consent.
I'm really interested in knowing how many of you noticed or have had experiences of your energetic boundaries being violated.
Sex & Intimacy Coach, Best Selling Author and Your Guide To Healing Yourself With Sex, Awakening Your Pleasure and Living An Orgasmic Life