I've been thinking about writing this blog post since I read Daniel Bergner's book, "What Women Want" several months ago.
But I've had a hard time wrapping my head around how to portray the information in a way that is helpful to both men and women. Apparently female sexual arousal and desire is multi-faceted and complex..Really? Who would have thought? Here are some of my take aways
Bergner points to sex research that shows that what women report they are aroused by when shown porn (hetero-normative monogamous sex) and how their body reports arousal through measuring vaginal blood flow ( lesbian, gay, group, and primate sex) are incongruous. He postulates that the female arousal patterns are similar to his male subjects and that the women, just like the men, were aroused by "indiscriminate sex". (His term not mine..)
Bergner's evidence for this comes from several sources-- fantasies of women that he interviewed and reports from researchers who have studied women's fantasies. The researchers reported, in a chagrined way, that rape and gang bang are the two most common sexual fantasies of women. It's important here to distinguish between actual rape (which is a brutal act of violence) and a woman "being taken" by a man or a group of men, which is an act of submission.
Similarly, the fantasies of his interviewees, were of having wild sex with the rogue man..the bad boy. The "good guys" were for relationships and dating but not for having intense, passionate, sex.
Sex & Intimacy Coach, Best Selling Author and Your Guide To Healing Yourself With Sex, Awakening Your Pleasure and Living An Orgasmic Life