Understanding and respecting boundaries is one of the key ingredients to having a healthy sex life and relationship. However for many people, especially women, saying "no" can be extremely challenging.
There's not a human being alive who hasn't had their boundaries crossed at some point in their life. Just spend a few minutes watching the interaction of a parent and a toddler having a temper tantrum and you'll see what I mean.
Those of us who have had our boundaries consistently crossed in childhood (whether from overbearing parents, being constantly criticized or experiencing some form of abuse), have a harder time maintaining boundaries as an adult.
We are "people pleasers" believing that if we just say "yes" we will get the love, appreciation and connection that we crave. If we say "no" we may be faced with rejection and abandonment, further lowering our self-esteem.
Mix this people pleasing behavior with our desire for connection and intimacy and you have a recipe for continuous boundary crossing when it comes to sex. This happens in both new and existing relationships. How many times have you said "yes" to having sex or participating in some sort of sexual act when you really didn't want to? This was definitely a pattern of mine and I see this in many of my female clients.
Here are a few tools that you can use to maintain your boundaries and learn when and how to say "no".
I love the way Derek Siver puts it in his now infamous quote: "If you're not a Hell Yes, it's a No!
Sex & Intimacy Coach, Best Selling Author and Your Guide To Healing Yourself With Sex, Awakening Your Pleasure and Living An Orgasmic Life