Here’s the deal, kissing is really important to so many people, myself included. It can be more intimate than having sex. In both my personal experience and working with couples, so many people don't get it right.
A lot of couples who come to see me are struggling around intimacy and sex. The conversation often goes like this:
Me: How and when do you guys kiss?
Couple: Well, yeah, a kiss on the cheek or a little kiss on the lip. Maybe before we go to work, say hello or goodbye. But even when we are having sex, we are not kissing.
This is usually an indication that there is a serious intimacy problem in the relationship because kissing is such an intimate and passionate act.
Deep passionate kissing is also one of the three ingredients for women to have orgasms during sex.
Understanding attraction is complex and multi-faceted. It’s something that many people struggle with, both in and outside of relationships. It happens on a variety of different levels--physical, emotional, and intellectual and there are no “one size fits” all recipes. One day you may be attracted to someone and the next day that feeling may be gone. Sometimes we can get it back and sometimes we can’t. If it’s never been there at all, (you’re best friends but were never physically attracted to each other) and end up together, it can doom your relationship.
I had the opportunity to explore attraction at a recent workshop I attended. We were asked to walk around the room and notice the people we were physically attracted to and ask them if they wanted to have sex, knowing this was not going to happen. It was pretty easy for me to identify the people I was attracted to. I noticed that I do this all the time. I’m constantly scanning a room, using my intuition and my energy to “see” who I’m drawn to.
Recently someone tagged me in an article and wanted to know my thoughts on it. The article was about energetically connecting with someone through sex and intimacy and needing to cleanse your aura afterward.
Let me start by saying I totally agree with this idea. But it really made me think about consent and boundaries. We constantly violate other people’s boundaries without their consent. Energetically, not physically.