Before I became a sex and intimacy coach, I didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about shame. I understood the feeling of embarrassment, like when I said or did something stupid, but shame was not really on my radar screen. And there’s a reason why… my shame was so deeply repressed that I couldn’t even access it.
The shame memories I had of being caught playing doctor with my best friend in first grade and several other powerful childhood memories around sexual pleasure, were simply not available to me. Of course it didn’t help that no one was asking me about my experiences of shame. But truth be told, had the question ever been asked, I’m sure I wouldn’t have been able to talk about it.
Therein lies the problem…because shame is something that we don’t talk about. It’s so shameful, so insidious that we can’t even bring it up except in therapy. And yet shame drives so much of our behavior, especially around our sexuality.
I learned a new word today...."vagina warrior" after reading a brilliant interview with Eve Ensler in Common Ground Magazine which you should definitely go check out.
According to Ensler, "a vagina warrior is man or woman who has been through something difficult, painful, or violent and rather than perpetrating on another person or destroying themselves, the warrior reaches out to help transform someone else's life".
That's definitely me!