Did you know that the human body was literally designed to experience pleasure? I know this might sound odd given that we give such little attention to our physical pleasure, but it’s really true.
A great example of this is the sheer fact that women possess a clitoris- a pleasure-center that is only found among female mammals. It serves no reproductive purposes, and simply exists to create intense and pleasurable physical sensations.
But what is it that sometimes blocks us from being able to truly experience pleasure?
It’s no secret that one of our fave topics, sex, is also packed with a ton of taboo, cultural rules, and stigma. When it comes to sex in modern society, there can be a huge amount of negative connotation and even discomfort for simply indulging in a healthy conversation on the subject.
I mean we’ve all heard the old saying of what not to talk about at a gathering, “Sex, religion, and politics”, but how did something that is so natural and paramount to human existence become so high on the “taboo topics list”? After all, sex is arguably the most ancient and natural human function that we have.
With all of this negativity around the subject floating around, it’s understandable that we live in a world heavily dominated by what I often refer to as “the nastiest five-letter word in the universe,” - shame. There is no doubt that no matter how we choose to go about our sexual lives, we are undoubtedly doing it “wrong” and being judged by someone.
Whether it be due to religious beliefs, family or cultural values, the conditioning we receive as children, or what’s considered the norm within our social circles, it’s inevitable that at some point we will develop a way of viewing certain sexual experiences as “right and wrong.”
When we feel like we are doing something wrong, or outside of what is socially accepted, we end up feeling shame. And shame can cripple your ability to experience pleasure and be intimate with your partner!
I truly believe you can learn about your future by looking at your past. Every time I start working with a client, we spend time exploring their views on sex, intimacy, how they were raised, life experiences, and the world views that surround them. Their upbringing and life worldview can consciously or subconsciously color the way they view intimacy, and that will invariably influence their relationships.
The various messages we receive growing up and throughout life can really impact our view on sex and intimacy. For most people there is a layer of shame, sometimes two feet deep, that can have a profound impact on their sex life.
In my new book, Living an Orgasmic Life: Heal Yourself and Awaken Your Pleasure, I devote an entire chapter to shame, which I call “The Nastiest Five Letter Word in the Universe”. Shame is so insidious that we feel shame even talking about shame. It’s rarely brought up, except maybe in the context of therapy.