I was at a recent woman's Watermark networking event when the organizer, Kate Byrne, came up to me and told me that when she had the "sex talk" with her teenage daughter, she told her to always remember "sex is about your pleasure."
That was a highly unusual statement and despite all the women I've worked with and events I've spoken at, no one has ever told me that before. Kudos to Kate for being such a sex positive and supportive mother.
The question that Kate raises is not just about educating our kids about sex. For sure, most of us need to do a much better job than our parents. If you need support on this I highly recommend that you reach out to Anya Manes who specializes in helping parents talk to their kids about sex and has wonderful programs and resources.
This is a more fundamental question around women, sex, and pleasure. In many ways, women have been conditioned to accept that sex is not about their pleasure and in fact we may have to tolerate discomfort.
We are led to believe that the first time we have sex it will be painful, we will bleed, and be sore. Not necessarily true!
Many women's hymens (the thin membrane that covers the vaginal opening) have already been broken by the time they have sex, either by tampons, a fall, or other sexual play.
First time sex does not to need to be uncomfortable. Our daughters need to know that the more aroused they are and properly lubricated, the more they will enjoy it.