Here are my top five New Year's resolutions for 2015. What are yours?
I will spend more time in my body.
As a society we are so terribly disassociated from our bodies that most people don't even understand what this new year's resolution means. It is easy to spend time in our head or on our phones or other devices. But sex takes place in our body so being in our head during sex takes us away from our experience and disconnects us from our partner.
I will let go of expectations and goal orientation
I find that it is very hard for men to let go of goal orientation since they have been socialized from an early age to be successful and outcome oriented. That is clearly the way one "gets ahead" in the world today. But if you can let those expectations go and just enjoy the experience of being with a partner, rather than needing to achieve something, the whole dynamic will shift. Both men and women feel so much performance pressure during sex. Resolve that in 2015 you will surrender and be present to the moment!
I will expand my definition of sex
Sex does not just have to be about intercourse, which often puts a lot of performance pressure on both women and men. My definition of sex is any type of erotic activity that involves some sort of touch. The only thing I care about is that we are both in our bodies, totally present, and giving or receiving touch and pleasure. Let this New Year's Resolution be an exploration of how many different ways you can have sex.
I will take the pressure off my genitals.
Listen up folks... our genitals often have a mind of their own so stop beating yourself up. It is perfectly normal for erections to come and go during sex, especially as men age. And sometime our vaginas are just not into it, which doesn't mean we're not into our partner. Be kind to yourself, laugh about it, put the emphasis on a different type of connection and come back to it later.
I will make time for a self loving practice
Whether you're in a relationship or single, spending time with your own body is a great New Year's Resolution. A self loving practice allows us to explore new areas of pleasure and new ways to experience pleasure. The more we know about our own arousal and pleasure patterns, the better we can communicate that during partner sex.
Here's to a Juicy and Pleasure Filled 2015!
Sex & Intimacy Coach, Best Selling Author and Your Guide To Healing Yourself With Sex, Awakening Your Pleasure and Living An Orgasmic Life